When you first learned about such news about your child, you probably had many questions in your mind and knocked off your balance. It will take some time for you to sit down and contemplate about this news about your child. When families learn such information, they often feel isolation, because they cannot share their questions with anyone, they become introverted and exacerbate their problems. You need to know that you are never alone. Statistics show that one of the closest relatives of one in four families is LGBTI+ person. What you should remember is that the love you have for your children, so you need to make an effort to understand and finally accept them to protect them and even strengthen your relationship with them.

You did not do anything wrong. It is unrealistic to think that the children’s gender identity is related to their parents’ approach to them. Our sexual identities are innate, just like the color of eye or hair. For this reason, no one, including you, can make your child LGBTI+ person. More importantly, there is nothing wrong with your child having a different gender identity than the majority of society. Some of us are just like that.

When you find out about your child’s sexual identity, it is natural to think that it is only a temporary period. On the other hand, considering the difficulties of living as a LGBTI+ person in our society, the probability of a cishet person to choose to be gay is highly low. Your children probably have spent a long time taking on board the fact that they are LGBTI+ persons before coming out to you.

Some families feel that they wish they had never learned that their children are LGBTI+ persons. However, you should keep in mind that your children often went through a very long and difficult period of self-awareness before they come out, and the reason they tell you is because they love you and want to maintain an honest, undisclosed relationship with you without hiding an important part of their lives. Your children’s coming out process may also be the mark of their need to get support from you. According to a study, nearly 80% of LGBTI+ young persons experience a serious sense of social and emotional isolation, and this has a psychologically devastating effect on young persons.

Although the reasons for the formation of sexual identity are not known for certain, the generally accepted opinion in the healthcare field is that it is the result of a complex interaction of different biological and environmental factors. The American Psychological Association states “homosexuality is not a disease. It does not require a treatment and is irreplaceable.”

When families first learn about their children’s identity, the first thing they do is to take them to a psychologist or psychiatrist because they want to “fix” the situation. It can be upsetting for the family to learn that this is unchangeable. On the other hand, a mental health expert can help both the child and the other members of the family to relieve their sadness and anxiety about this situation, to experience the acceptance process in a healthy way and to exist in the society more comfortably.

Being LGBTI+ is not abnormal. This is as natural as being heterosexual. We do not know why some persons are LGBTI+, but also we do not know why there are heterosexuals either. LGBTI+ persons have been and will continue to be in every society in every period of history. For these people, their sexual identity is not a behavior or a choice, but their nature. This is not perversion or illness, nor a mental health disorder, an emotional problem. Expecting LGBTI+ persons to behave differently means forcing them to live in a life they do not belong to.

It can be difficult to realize that your children are not always the persons you think. On the other hand, it takes a long time for many LGBTI+ persons to make sense of and accept their own feelings. Many said they always felt different as they were growing up, but had a hard time figuring out what caused it. Messages from many different segments in our society that being LGBTI+ is wrong cause most LGBTI+ persons to develop self-hatred, to suffer from lack of self confidence while suppressing their emotions, which delays your child’s self- acceptance and coming out process. Your children come out to you because they would like to build an open, decent and honest relationship with you.

Unfortunately, such situations are not uncommon in our society. On the other hand, there is increasing social acceptance, especially in metropolitan cities, and accordingly, the number of regions where LGBTI+ individuals live more comfortably and safely as open and proud persons are increasing. The only way to overcome social homophobia is to have more people to talk about these issues and inform the persons in the society. On the other hand, the most destructive homophobia experienced by LGBTI+ persons is discrimination within their own families. For this reason, if you want to help your child, in this respect it is important to prevent discrimination against your child within the family.

You may not say for a while. After children come out to their families, families also begin to come out to themselves, and this is a very personal process. Many of us need time to adjust and embrace this information before we tell others. On the other hand, coming out to the persons we can truly trust and think that can understand us will support us in our acceptance and understanding processes, and this actually accelerate the process. At this point, it is important to attend the meetings of the Ankara Rainbow Families Association and share the experiences and feelings with other family members who have experienced similar processes. Once we can share our own stories in a positive way, it is more likely for others to understand and support us.

In fact, heterosexuals constantly publicly announce their sexuality in daily life, but this is something that is taken for granted: clothes chosen to impress the opposite sex, make-ups, daily conversations about lovers or spouses, sharing photos of the loved ones publicly, etc. in fact, these are all the expressions of our sexual identity. But when LGBTI+ persons do similar things, persons tend to get angry and to see them as if they blare out their sexuality. This way of thinking is not the problem of LGBTI+ persons, but of persons who think like this. Besides, our sexual identities are not limited to sexuality and sexual life. Your children will also want to share their thoughts, feelings, experiences, relationships, happiness and heartbreaking experiences with you. Asking your child not to share this aspect of their lives with you will seriously damage your relationship and cause problems that may lead to the communication gap with your child over time. For this reason, we recommend that you should make an effort to have honest communication with your child about romantic relationships, which is an important part of life, and to seek help if necessary.

AIDS is not an LGBTI+ disease. It is a disease that can be transmitted by blood transfusion or non-sterilized syringes as well as sexual intercourse. The vast majority of AIDS patients are heterosexual.

The fact that you are reading this article is already a good indication that you are a loving parent trying to support your child. The best way to support your child, as with many other problems, is to be willing to talk, listen and learn about these issues with your child. If it is difficult to talk, you can get support from persons you trust, mental health professionals or Ankara Rainbow Families Association to overcome these fears. One of the best ways to support your child is to train yourself on these issues as much as you can and then combat to overcome homophobia in society. Staying silent fosters the prejudices and discrimination more.